Snack Attack: Anatomy of Exhaustion

The other day I was literally scrounging for change in order to go to the Gourmet Market down the road to buy this particular snack I've become enamored with.

I am a snacker. A grazer. A CHew-backa. Whatever. I have to nibble, knaw, gnash on something

and my something of choice is high quality nuts, usually dry roasted. pumpkin, sunflower, hemp, sesame seeds,; walnuts, almonds, the rare macademia...

It wasn't always this way.

I used to go for potato chips, thick cut, the kind where the grease sometimes get trapped in the curl of chip. Yum. Lots of salt.

Then I graduated to exotic chips...you can fry THAT?! Plantains first--used to make my own, but I preferred them thick and more like a veggie. Then I went to the Terra line--purple potatoes, red potatoes, cooked in olive oil, seasoned with stuff I normally cook with. Next yucca chips, taro, beet.

Corn chips--waaaay long ago. Had to give those up as a genetic disposition for corn allergy reared it's ugly head: Thanks grandma! That was rough, because I love grits and polenta is a tasty mushy snack. I recently went thorugh a soy-flax-blue corn chip phase: organic of course. This was not good for my body, at all. I lied to myself, soy AND flax?!? Come on! It's gotta be good.

I toyed with dehydrated orgnic vegetables--kale, yes! But that was about it. I don't like hay and don't have enough stomachs to digest it.

So last week I picked up a copy of Yoga Times and was reading about one's relationship to finances usually is mirrored in the rest of one's life. The first thing that cropped into my mind was how much I MUST spend on food. I have to keep the system clean as part of a health management system, doctor's orders. So I do farmer's markets for organic veggies and various healthfood stores for the rest.

I view this as necessary life support, though I do gripe too much about the cost. "Whole Paycheck" was an unfortunate mantra for a while.

Then, I realized, in looking over some receipts, that a great deal of what I purchase between the massive "haulin' in the supplies on pay day" moment...was snacks.

Earlier that week, I'd talked to my acupuncturists about the fact that I'm a grazer. He said he still wasn't sold on eating that way, but he'd have opinion by 90. We laughed. I left. Then I read a section of _The Journey_ by Brandon Banes. She talked about getting through one's tough emotional blocks and gave an example of food cravings. So the invitation she offered was to pause at the moment the urge came on, and sense what was really at stake in that craving moment.

So, I did. I was exhausted! I was reaching for the crunchy delicious dry roasted organic nut & seed snacks to stave off tiredness, not hunger!

WOW! As my 18 month old likes to say.

Back to the financial thing: so I pour a lot of cash out trying to stay awake through an exhausting series of "must dos" "consider thises" and childhood crisis management (yes, my sick behind ran to the farmer's market yesterday because my son called me on his teacher's cell phone because he forgot to bring his money--that type of thing). However, running things on empty and down to the wire means that I often don't have time to eat all the good food in my refrigerator, so I toss out a lot of organic greens. To make it worse, the snacking is soooo high end and specific that I spend extra on gas to go and find these tasty treats. The extra time is not really mine. The extra money should go into a savings account, the calories are desperately needed, but the body needs more than omega 3, 6, & 9 to survive.

The kicker: I am not napping when I need to, nor going to bed for the night when I feel called to do so, waking up hungry at 3 am because of the snacking.

I snack to have energy reserves in order to be a single parent, but this lack of sleep sets me up for illness, which is scary when you are a single parent living far from relatives.

So, the snacking, which is about (allegedly) having a quick wholesome food choice instead of the evil burgers that would make me very ill AND about saving time and money because a real meal out that I could eat would cost me $10-$15 and take too long ACTUALLY ends up costing me a significant amount of savings account contributions, sleep, and health.

Can we say "wow" once more?

Yesterday, I was recycling my bottles and cans to get cash for medicine for baby's cold and i thought: I could use a Mrs. Mays pumpkin seed snack bag. I was running short on time (no surprise there) so I decided to give Albertson's a chance in providing me with alternative baby cough syrup--yes, I was trippin'. I go into the store, can't find that particular item, then I look for the nut section--no Mrs. Mays. I walk down the snack aisle and baby girl says, "WOW!" as she had never been in a grocery store like that before. As we walked the length of the snack aisle--one city block it seemed--I realized, OMIGAWD, we are an exhausted nation!

We snack to stay awake at the wheel, but the snacks put us in a stupor, set us up for diabetes, malnutrition, mood swings, allergies, depleted adrenal glands--YIKES! And yes, the snacks rob us of our sleep and savings.

Check it out for yourself. How do you organize your day around your snack attack? What mental choreography do you create in order to feel "right" about purchasing the snack? In what other ways do you deprive yourself so that you can accept the snack as the "logical step" i your daily eating routine? What would happen if you just went ahead and took that nap when you felt like it? Are you afraid of your nap? $i.25 to $4.50 is that a day, or every other day? This does not include your coffee.

Just try it, from a place of non-judgment and see what else is in the bag.

Something afoot

The body spreads across the citsycape like a series of hiccups. Fits and starts, working to appear seamless, driven, efficient, our corpo-reality is so contingent on our relations, how do we even believe that we are alone? A unified subject?